On Letting Go…
‘I had a dream and it’s all that I had, right or wrong,it’s my dream.’
While visiting my son and family in Texas last year and relaxing in the hot tub with daughter-in-law, she brought up the subject ’You guys should have a family reunion’…which is very natural for her and her family but not so much for ours. I’ll admit, I was smitten with the idea. We brought the idea up for discussion to my son who said ‘My priority is for my son to get a baseball scholarship to college next year, after that we’ll see. So, that has happened; grandson got a baseball scholarship and graduates, proud Nana. Next I pick up the idea again with daughter on her recent visit.’Brother probably won’t go’ she said. Let’s not start the dialogue with a negative statement I say. I write son in Texas and inform him of the talks, no response is his response. Despite this I move forward full steam. I make a statement to myself and whoever will listen : My purpose on earth is to provide my own brand of support toward the evolution of my family AKA a family reunion. Profound! Sounds good , doesn’t it? After getting no warm fuzzies back, I discuss the matter with one of my besties…’Knowing the family dynamic I just hate to see you suffer a whole year over this.’ Tears came to my eyes ,I saw a year of misery flash by trying to make something happen. I awoke in that moment! These things cannot be forced, they must be finessed…NO! not even that…Just Let Go! \
And then came the feelings : relief, grief, acceptance and finally moving on. Grieving the loss of a dream can be like running into kryptonite , disempowering. Usually an upbeat positive person, I allowed myself a time to grieve. This went on for days, off and on. I didn’t want to put a lid on it,I’d been stuffing my feelings for long enough. Then the feelings changed to unfamiliar, strange, different and lighter. I no longer had that feeling of trying to make the impossible happen single handedly against all odds. This must be what acceptance feels like I said to myself. I wandered around in this state for awhile, trying it on for size, seeing how things looked from this perspective. Transition time was never easy for me but I guess I was prepared for it this time having spent many years in Codependence Anonymous…I was groomed for it. I was ready to move on with a new focus: Cruise to Cuba 2017 with the Girlz.
Yes? I was born for Joy! And I was grabbing it with both hands while I still can. And hadn’t I read somewhere the best gift you can give your loved ones is to be happy. I’m in! And if by chance the kiddos get it together and pull off a reunion and invite me, I’m there. Let go and let it flow…more will be revealed! 506 words
